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June 18, 2008
They say there’s no crying in baseball, but obviously that's a complete lie. So too is the idea that fighting is a rarity in the "thinking man’s game," which has certainly been proven false this year as teams routinely throw caution -- as well as fists, helmets and bats -- to the wind. MLB’s seen more bench-clearing brawls in the first half of the season than ... than I don’t know what, but there’s a lot of big league fighting going on, okay? Seriously, here are five favourites from so far, in no particular order. 5. Gomes Sweet Gomes Jonny Gomes is an animal. For real. Though both his ’08 battles with the New York Yankees -- a spring training tiff which started with Elliot Johnson’s takeout of catcher Francisco Cervelli which culminated with Shelley Duncan’s cleat gashing Aki Iwamura -- didn’t even involve him, the barrel-chested DH was all over the field in both incidents, looking to fight just about anybody with hands. I’m not saying Gomes is a juice bag, or that he ever was one, but he does hold the club record for most hit by pitches, which means he’s certainly got plenty to be pissed about. 4. Diamondbacks On The Soles Of His Shoes Doug Mientkiewicz and Randy Johnson fighting over anything beyond bad facial hair seems odd at this point, but that’s just what happened when the Big Unit turned up a little chin music during an early June spat at PNC Park. Amazingly it was the first time anybody left the Pirates bench in four years for such a purpose, which I guess speaks to just how apathetic things have been in Pittsburgh in recent years. The next day Johnson said that if the first baseman's reaction had really bothered him Mientkiewicz would "probably be in a stretcher and I'd probably be out of the game." Menk’s response: "That just shows to me how mentally weak he is. I've been on a stretcher before and, technically, he's been out of the game for three years."
Nice. 3. The Devil Wears Garza These ‘Rays’ are a little off. Sure it’s not the first time teammates or players and coaches have brawled, but usually it’s relegated to the dugout or clubhouse runway. In this case catcher Dioner Navarro and pitcher Matt Garza collectively gave new meaning to “battery mates” after a heated exchange on the mound that laters pilled into the dugout. I can understand Navarro’s frustration after Garza served up a two-run yuckah to Rangers No. 9 hitter German Duran, but in all fairness he probably shouldn’t have called for a batting practice fastball. On the upside, the two bumping glove-covered faces on the hill kind of reminded me of that scene in Naked Gun where Leslie Nielsen and Priscilla Presley try to get it on with full body condoms. 2. Yorvit The Terrialba A bit of a classic, though mostly because of the Rockies’ catcher’s attempt at executing a vintage Jason Varitek face wash on Los Angeles Dodgers outfielder Matt “Don’t Call Me Shawn” Kemp. Still, Kemp definitely got the better of this when he subdued Yorvit in a headlock that would have made Nolan Ryan proud and Robin Ventura wince. "I'm not used to acting in that way. It's not in my character. It was out of frustration," Kemp said after the defeat. Right. I’m sure you go usually home and read Walden Pond after games. 1. Shields Your Eyes It’s almost as if when they took the "Devil" out of the team name it burrowed right into the chest of the several players. Coco Crisp shouldn’t be fighting anyone, but he definitely shouldn’t be fighting James Shields, whose admittedly slow overhand right came about an inch from giving Crisp a little bit of Kimbo Slice. I’m not sure whether he was doing a Keanu Reeves Matrix impression or a Fat Joe lean back, but it was a wise move in either case. Though it would’ve been ugly, part of me wishes Shields had connected because I don’t know if I’ve ever seen anyone fully dropped in a basebrawl. On a side note, any player that charges the mound and hurls his helmet from more than five feet away deserves to see some stars. Crisp didn't do this, but plenty of other guys do.
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