|
June 4, 2008
The realization of a Celtics-Lakers NBA Finals is a collective wet dream for the Association and all its partners. For me it doesn’t do much, so I’m focusing on this month’s draft instead of rehashing blurry memories from a rivalry that’s spent the last two decades wandering through a desert of irrelevance. But what of this draft? Do I dare delve into the conspiracy theories surrounding Chicago’s unlikely lottery victory, a fact that coincides with the hometown of this draft’s most coveted prize? Or perhaps an article that raves about Michael Beasley’s frightening versatility or looks at his almost Josh Smithian personality? Nay. I’d rather do what I do best: make stuff up. Here are my five biggest draft surprises (good and bad), predictions whose promised accuracy is surpassed only by their complete randomness. 1. Anthony Randolph, LSU Whoops! Memphis might have given the one-and-done Tiger a chance to grow without the pressure, only they don’t pick him. Instead the Knicks gamble on the 6'10" forward at the six spot and well, he crumbles like a Drake’s Coffee Cake under the tutelage of Zach “Another day without stabbing someone” Randolph. Mike D’Antoni’s seemingly wooden teeth gnash violently while New Yorkers get a second, no, third use out of their “Help Me Randolph!” signs. 2. Chase Budinger, Arizona Once a high first-round pick, then a low one, Budinger winds up in the middle, plucked with the penultimate lottery pick by the Portland Trail Blazers, who are impatiently waiting the arrival or Rudy Fernandez. Impressively, Budinger sheds his South Park-born ginger stigma and in the mould of Mike Dunleavy Jr. matures into a solid NBA swingman that helps return the Maloof Brothers’ club to Game Of The Week status. Either that or he stars with Reggie Theus in a remake of Hangtime. Hey, if 90210 deserves a second shot... 3. Danilo Gallinari, Italy The jury’s still out on Italy’s first lottery pick, Andrea Bargnani, but it doesn’t take the league nearly as long to fall in love with the high-octalian, who suits up for the Brooklyn Nets and proves to be not only more of a man than Vince Carter, but a better dancer too. The fan favourite is overvalued by the Tri-Borough area, but does fill it up consistently playing alongside Devin Harris and Nenad Kristic. 4. Courtney Lee, Western Kentucky Hey now, hey now, don’t dream it’s over. In a Crowded House second round, a place where proven college talents like DeMarcus Nelson, D.J. White, Drew Neitzel and Kyle Weaver will wait far too long, the explosive Lee from the Cindderella Hilltoppers is a nice grab for Charlotte with the 38th pick. His body control, explosive first step and penchant for big shots will endear to him to Bobcats fans until he’s dealt away for Walter Herrmann. 5. JaVale McGee, Nevada Another lean ‘footer bursting with country-fresh potential. And yet, in a shocking turn that’s not at all in keeping with history or statistics, he doesn’t succeed! This an especially sore point for the Phoenix Suns, who were hoping to groom McGee under Shaq and have him running the floor with Nash and Co. McGee shows flashes, but displays a level of intensity that makes Charlie Villanueva look like Sly Stallone in Over The Top. Seriously, just look his face in this photo. What is this, geography class? So there you have it, five times for your mind. Stay tuned for more interesting and useless observations ahead of June 26th.
|
